Dear co-worker,

Thank-you for bringing cookies in today. You are awesome, as are your cookies.

Cheers =D

Nyx

Dear co-worker,

Last week I told you to pull your head in.

You have...good for you.

hi cunts, i never have to see any of you again after today. to this i can only rah.

you heard.

rah.

to all of you

if you feel the slightest squirty feeling fuck off home. i don't want bloody gastro

dear awesome clients,

you're so fucking tops i could cut you.

ken.

Dea Co-Worker,

Your superior, Opera loving, tea drinking, hair dressing, snooty persona is fascinating. But god lighten up will you.

Dear co-worker,

You're a little weird. You creep me out a bit actually. And just because you're someone's brother doesn't mean we're not going to get pissed off if you spend all day fucking around and spacing out.

Sincerely,

Coz

Dear Co-Worker,

-ah.

Dear co-worker

Stop asking me inane questions all day. I come here for inanity - your questions are distracting me from it and are unnecessary and unwanted.

You say ''but small children ask lots of questions''
Yes, but you are 28.

Although you're a sweet guy, I'm glad you're leaving next week

HEB

Dear Co-Worker,

Please stop complaining like a whinny little kid about network issues that are ''complex''. It is what you get paid to do, so fuck up. If you had any clue how to actually do your job, it wouldn't be so hard would it?

And stop trying to handball it to me................. cock.

Mex666

Dear Co-worker,
Your wheezy breathing through you nose is really getting on my tits. Please realize you are an annoying fuck, who wears bad slacks too high. I hate you. Your wheezy nose is like a clock ticking and makes my day go longer.

Fuck off and die,

Mex666

Dear co-worker,

I DON''T FUCKING CARE. Also, the LAST thing I want to do on a Friday afternoon is go to a shit place to drink a beer in your company. You're BORING and a BULLY (not to me, I don't think you dare)

G. FUCKING. RRRRR

ps you're 35, I think it's time you moved out of home, drove yourself to the station and made your own lunch.

You stink of Piss & Soggy Biscuits……. and your taste in music sux.

Lucksmiths? Pfff!

Dear Co-Worker,

I can see you looking past me and smirking to your friend in the next office when I'm talking to you about the latest stupid task you've got me working on. It's not funny or cool and it doesn't make you tough. You're just a fucking smart ass.

Love PG

Dear Ex-Co-worker,

A few months ago, when you were fired for being incompetent, you wouldn't even return the bosses phone calls and requests to bring back documents which were legally the property of work. Now you have sent us all a lovely postcard from a family holiday in Broome, without a hint of malice.

I think you really are insane.

good-o

jn*

Dear Co-worker,

you've been less gabby so far today. Nice work.

Keep that up and I may not punch you.

xx
louis

dear co-worker,

please stop making false vom sounds, its grossing me out.

yours in near sympathy spewing,

alter....

dear co-worker,

your laugh is one of the most annoying sounds i have had to encounter in the time i have lived in this city. it's very weasely. gross. annoying.

Dear Co-Worker,

Please stop asking me to take you out for lunch and beers on the company amex. For a start, you are boring. Also, you are not a hot chick. Strike 3, you are a wanker.

Mex.

dear co-worker.

BE MORE COMPETENT. it's really not that hard!

shineslikerubies

Isn't that a symptom of mild Tourettes syndrome?

echolalia

Dear Co-worker,

you are batshit insane.
Please stop eating your hair and running everywhere
and yes, I can hear you talking about me.

SHUT UP,

Ted

Dear co-worker,

Your persecution complex is getting way out of hand. I am not spying on you, in fact I don't even like it when I get sent to the office you work in because I find your antics tedious. In fact I am the opposite of spying on you, I'm ignoring you and getting on with my work.

Yours,

fzchk

PS: If you quit I am replacing you.

Dear co-worker,

Wow, has it really been two weeks since your last text? Seems like only yesterday that you were flooding my phone with weird pics and strangely worded declarations.

Thanks for an interesting summer. I shall continue to be politely friendly around the workplace, for that is how my parents raised me.

Peace out!
''Grend''.

Dear other co-worker,

You are a cantankerous, rambling, racist old grump, but we can't help being fond of you. Please don't give yourself another heart attack by doing two-person jobs on your own.

Cheers,
Grantley

Especially after winning the OH&S award last year. We know you love being the martyr, but is this place really worth dying for?

Dear co-worker,

You were going so well, almost 4 weeks with no crazy texts! Then on Thursday night, BAM! 4 texts in 5 minutes. Including this one:

Long Distance
Relationship
will work if
2 people inlove
are strong in
faith, love
and respect
for each other

What the hell does that mean? Why would you send me that? Do you consider us to be in a ''Long Distance Relationship''?

I really hope you're not planning to kill me. That would be uncool.

I'm sorry GrantleyBuffalo, I forgot to take my meds on Thursday. Apologies

Thanks for the clarification, MissOz.

Please don't kill me.

looks like that text was meant for the pope, maybe.

Dear Grantley,

I don't have any good advice for you today as I have to get a new job. I got to work this morning to find out my programme is being wrapped up (ie. canned) and I have one week's notice.

However I am thinking it might be time for you to just bluntly say you think she's a weirdo and stop sending you this shit as you are gonna take it to the authoritah's.

Yours absently,
Pols

Dear Polly Von Rawesome,

That stinks :(
One week's notice is fucken UNAUSTRAYLIAN!

Will you be keeping in touch with the open mouth eater?

Virtual cheers,
GB

Aw, Polly, what total bums. Go raid the stationery cupboard.
You'll find something else fantastic I'm sure. You got skillz and smarts. And a suit with sexy lining.

Dear Grantley and Kezwah,

Thanks guys. Yeah the hard part is when they tell me how much they love me and wish they had something else for me to move on to but this company is currently shucking off every contractor it can...

One week's notice sucks but hey that's life. Time to brush off the cv and get another job - shouldn't take too long I hope.

Grantley - I will be keeping in touch with her, but probably will avoid catching up over dinner etc.

Kezwah - wearing a suit with a sexy lining as we speak!!

Raiding the stationary cupboard will be a friday thing. Meanwhile I will pull all our finances and stuff into a very neat pile, put a ribbon on it, and think about what might be next... think those skillz and smartz might need some focus on seek.com...

Anyhoo - that's life in the big smoke... shame I haven't got enough put aside at the moment for a bit of a holiday... but I have got plenty of cool kung fu DVDs to watch so it will work out...

Thanks for the moral support though xxx

I remain, yours formally,

Poltastic van Awesome (that's what my goddaughters call me)

Dear ex Co-Worker,

Stop with the endless texts about how awesome you are and stop texting me at 10pm on a weeknight when you are out on the lash with my former collegues digging for gossip. Take a hint from the lack of replies, and three late night texts last week was too much. I hope my ''give me six months to sort myself out and I'll touch base'' reply will end bring an end to them.

And I find it creepy that you went to the contractor xmas party using my name and introducing yourself to prospective employers and agency staff as me - this is my career dude. Particularly knowing full well I was in the middle of heated contract re-negotiations partly due to picking up some of your work for no extra cash after you had been terminated. Find another way to get self affirmation and leave me be ok?

LG

And I find it creepy that you went to the contractor xmas party using my name and introducing yourself to prospective employers and agency staff as me

That's beyond creepy...that's almost on the level of baking you a pie with their hair in it.

losgauchos said 1 hour ago:
out on the lash

A co-worker used the phrase ''on the squirt'' in a similar context...the former, to me, sounds like taking a piss (''having a lash'', lash being shortened from ''slash'') and the latter sounds like you have got food poisoning.

on the squirt would be a wee-poo

Dear co-worker,

If your ineptitude was your only flaw I could probably tolerate you. But that combined with your complete prententious niceties just makes me wanna vom. Don't ask me for help with shit you should have learnt years ago and treat me like a bosom buddy one day, and then turn around and be a total bitch the next. Are you sure you left the other workplace by your own choice or did you jump before you were pushed?

Love you as sincerely as you love me!
TGF