I'm stuck in a rut, it's making me depressed, or maybe I'm in the rut because I'm depressed. What came first, the chicken or the egg? Anyways...
I feel like nothing ever goes right for me. If it's not one thing it's another - either I'm broke or I have a job that I hate or I'm traumatised or I'm all crazy 'n shit and cutting myself, or I'm just plain depressed or I'm suicidal. I've had major mental problems since I was about 16, they've morphed and evolved over time but they're still there.
I'm depressed again and I don't know what to do - I have been on aropax for about a year now and it's been working like a treat, up until now. Does medication just stop working all of a sudden like that? I don't want to give it up, what if I go back to being so anxious I can't even stay out for an after-work drink without being miserable? I'm also on xanax but that's only really for short-term, occasional relief from the impulsiveness etc. I get, it's not a daily solution for depression. And I don't want to go back on the anti-psychs cos they screw with my blood and make me positively crazy in time with my monthly cycle. I know all girls get PMS, but to my knowledge it's unhealthy to feel like dying every time you do, hence why I stopped the anti-psychs.
There's so much in my life I need to change - I'm fat, largely because of the meds but also because I eat way too much and it's always food that's bad for me. I'm lazy. I need to get outdoors more, but at the moment I'm so depressed I can hardly move. I hate my apartment, but it's about the cheapest thing I can find and I can't afford anything more expensive. I feel like I wouldn't last long in a sharehouse without driving other people nuts. I can't move in with parents because I don't want to live with my susbstance-abusing siblings (my sister also being violent and abusive in general. I don't want to leave my job even though the pay is shit, because I have such a good support network of friends here, even my boss is supportive, whereas at any other job I'd get sacked because I'm constantly sleeping in by hours, due to suffering insomnia since I went off the anti-psychs in December.
I know other people have it worse than me, I know everyone has their ups and downs but I'm craving more ups, maybe ones that stick around for a while and aren't caused by alcohol.
How do I inject new enthusiasm in my life? I need it right now, because I'm losing the will to live. Not that I have a desperate desire to die either, I'm just so, so despondent that it feels like it doesn't matter either way.
Coz, see a shrink & get your meds sorted as obviously the current regime isn't working for you. I know you have a limited budget, but what price can be put on quality of life?
You're feeling lazy, but one of the best things you can do is stay active. In my experience exercise is better than meds in maintaining sanity. You'll also notice the positive changes in your body which in turn will make ou feel better about yourself.
Quit alcohol, completely. It's not as hard to do as the thought of it may suggest. I went from a bottle of rum a night to nothing & have been booze free for nearly a year now....best thing I've ever done.
You've got through this stuff before, you can do it again.
& I know you've heard this all before...but get back on this road ASAP before the one you're own drives you off a cliff.
this, even if it's just for a few weeks/months.
coz are you still doing gymnastics?
Nope Katie, I'm so unfit it would be embarrassing. I look like a hippo in a leotard. I still intend to stretch every night, but lately once I get home from work I crawl under my doona straight away.
But it was working so well for a while. I don't know what's changed.
Actually, I am currently taking a different brand of medication to what I usually take. Could that be making a difference, even though the active ingredient is the same?
Probably not. More likely is that your body's response to the medication changes over time, right?
I would have thought that more likely u/a, but it all seemed to happen so suddenly.
this, even if it's just for a few weeks/months.
YES!
can you go on the pill?
you might not have such bad PMS?
I've thought about it, a little worried about it messing with the rest of my body/mind though... but now that I'm off the Seroquel and on more Aropax it's been pretty alright.
Since I've verbalised it on here, it made me realise that I'm using a different brand this month, I'm almost certain that this is the cause of such sudden ineffectiveness of my medication. Going to go to the chemist after work and pick up my usual brand and see if that helps.
Sorry to hear you're not travelling so well, Coz. Of course getting your meds sorted out is important, but funny how the same simple suggestions keep coming up - booze break and exercise. I'm fairly convinced that alcohol doesn't create pleasure, it just lends it to you for a while, and the interest rates can be steep. As for exercise - this has convinced me to get off this chair much more than I have been in recent years. It's not about depression as such, but anything to help your brain heal has gotta be worthwhile.
Likewise. Snap out of it, woman!
:P
good luck coz, i hope switching the meds back gets things back on track for you.
also try and keep up the stretching, it can be a deceptively 'easy' way to get a good workout if youre also doing some static holds like the plank & other yoga/pilates moves,
Coz, as someone unfamiliar with your depression can you shed any light on what the causes of it are? Is it biological or the result of lifestyle, situation etc. I think if it's not biological it's important to identify what the root causes of the depression are in order to treat it effectively.
The brand of meds shouldn't matter...but if you are more comfortable with your normal ones then get them.
Really sounds like you need them reviewed though, so I would still encourage you to get that done!
Lets face it, for some of us life hurts, sometimes I wonder how is this when converted into depression - considered a mental illness. Isn't it, just that life sucks sometimes and then you feel sad?
depression is defined as a prolonged sadness / despondency / hopelessness. two weeks or more is sometimes the number bandied about.
No hsdfauof, sadness & depression are not the same thing.
I've been sad & I've been depressed (turns out bipolar rather than unipolar depression). I'd take sad for life over depressed for a day.
hsdauof, ''depression'' is a term which can be used both to describe an illness, and to describe a symptom. So I reckon for this:
when people say they're suffering depression they're referring to the symptom, not an illness. As my old counsellor used to refer to it, ''situational depression'' - prolonged or profound sadness caused by a situation, rather than an illness, and it goes away when the situation causing it passes.
Firstly, sorry for not answering for a couple of days - I've been offline living life!
My depression isn't a stand-alone thing, it's a symptom of a bigger illness I have called Borderline Personality Disorder. I don't think it's got a thing to do with lifestyle, I've been ill for years and obviously during that times I've lived in a lot of different ways - going out, not going out, drinking, not drinking, working, studying, unemployed, living in sharehouses, living alone, living with a partner, being single, being in a relationship, everything... I've been sick throughout it all, reardless of lifestyle.
There are many theories of what causes BPD, none proven conclusively, all thought to contribute. I really think that heredity can make you predisposed to mental illness, given that both of my siblings and I all suffer from serious mental illness. I think this is kind of like the mental equivalent of a weak immune system - it doesn't mean that you're automatically sick, but it means you're much more likely to get sick.
But my siblings and I all suffer different illnesses, with other major contributing factors. My sister, although she hasn't ever been disgnosed, obviously suffers from some kind of pyschosis (she talks about people stealing her babies and shit - she's never had children). She was physically abused by a boyfriend when she was 15, and she didn't turn into a violent alcoholic until she was in that relationship, and then the psychosis started maybe a couple of years after the break-up, maybe caused in part by having to deal with bad memories but I'm sure alcohol abuse played its part. My brother fried his brains with weed - bongs all day, all night, every day for years. Now he suffers from paranoid schizophrenia.
I grew up in a violent household full of alcohol and drug abusers thanks to my brother and sister, and that made me suicidally depressed as a teen. It is also what my psychiatrist thinks caused the trauma that contributed to my illness - 3/4 of BPD sufferers had significant childhood trauma - although I was diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress when I was 20 following a boyfriend getting bashed pretty badly by someone who wanted to kill him.
I've also read a theory that a major contributing factor is a lack of having your feelings validated, and I agree with that too - as a kid, I had to fight so hard for the personal safety that most people take for granted, but if I complained I was told off for being uncaring and unsupportive. My mum was raised believing that family was more important than anything else, and she clung to this notion long after my sister started treating everyone like shit (yes she had been abused, but she was also inherently selfish long before that - constantly doing things like ''accidentally'' missing the last train so my parents had to drive an hour into the city at midnight, borrowing money and never returning it, etc.).
My parents spent so much time, energy and resources on caring for errant sister that there was hardly any attention payed to me. I spent years locking myself in my bedroom away from all the violence, and I think that really played its part - even now, mum recalls it as me ''always being a solitary character'' when the truth is I was just trying to escape.
So a lot of the depression and tormented feelings etc. are a result of my upbringing, the impulsiveness, dissociatism etc is all behaviours I used to try and deal with my PTSD because I wasn't coping properly.
So I think heridity predisposed me to mental illness, situations caused it to come to fruition, lifestyle factors not so influential... although if you're constantly wrecking your brain with drugs and alcohol I think it would worsen it and I would definitely recommend moderation with these things for anyone predisposed to mental illness.
And just for the record, I've been feeling a lot better these last couple of days... yay!
View Comments 20 to 98
We've limited the amount of comments shown in these larger topics to allow for faster viewing, simply click here to load all the missing comments ...
Damn man, sounds like you've had a bad time of it. I am terrible (really terrible) at giving advice but I reckon that maybe quitting your job isn't the worst idea in the world, but only when you're ready. Don't rush it because it'll just cause you anxiety but don't artificially prolong it if it's making you miserable. But if you haven't already, maybe seriously look into the details of doing something else - other jobs, or training/education - it might give you some inspiration or motivation.
Ugh, tell me about it. I'm pretty sure I've wasted most of my twenties doing that and the whole time I've felt like shit. I also wish I could stop procrastinating and actually do something.
It sounds nuts in this country, but I fit so many of the symptoms for adult ADHD (and some of my childhood fits too). But it's ridiculous.
My statement about travelling may have been misleading. I had an absolute fucking ball while travelling Europe - it was probably the best four months of my life. But that's why I felt empty afterwards (and still sort of do two years later), I guess; it was amazing and brilliant and everyday life is so mundane. Especially when you're bored, miserable and unemployed with no real hobbies, and serious deficiencies in motivation and drive and goals.
Hey, I just enrolled into a photography degree! And that sounds pretty amazing. Sometimes I wish I had my licence so I could go up to the airport and just watch the planes get huge and deafening as they fly overhead. It's been pretty exhilarating in the past.
Some wisdom from George Takei's facebook for youse:
https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/408528_602994046396719_561191311_n.jpg
Right on, Mr T
maybe i should be inboxing you all or something - if you haven't signed the petition for australians to have better access to psychological treatment, please do.
Hyperbole And A Half is BACK!
And incredibly relevant.
I think I am depressed. My days are busy but all that I do seems pointless and uninspiring. However I still keep doing it rather than change. I am in a routine driven rut and I become anxious if the routine is interrupted or changed. I know there is more to life than this. Others live in a similar way to me except they appear to be living a fulfilled life. This baffles me. I can not be arrogant and suggest these others are happy idiots, although there are times I see their satisfaction with life irritating. Talking about this with like minded folk helps. The problem is finding such allies. Screening all those I come into contact with for the sounding board potential tends to impact on potential friendships. My life is frustrating me. My moments are becoming a parallel universe to what is actually happening.
satisfaction with life as irritating
I had depression years ago and it would never wish it upon anyone else. The way I dealt with it was by seeing a mental health professional, trying not to annoy the hell out of my friends and family and waiting it out. I always felt it would go away, but the fact I had to live through it was really hard. It took me a long time to return to the world. I found a way to deal with my concerns and problems that was individual to me. There was no quick fix, or magic bullet, I just had to find the best thing for me.
Incidentally if you see other people living a routine filled life, they're probably not. The facade you put up to cope with every day is probably not that different from the facade other people put up every day.
I think this is pretty problematic JoeyRamone. A lot of the time people have their own issues in their lives that they're trying to deal with, and taking on the problems of others is difficult. Another thing too is that your friends may not what say what you 'need' to hear in order to feel better or provide constructive advice that will help you address what you feel needs addressing. If you do feel that you need a sounding board, I would do as outerspace did (and seems to be suggesting), and I've done, and see a mental health professional. After hitting my 'rock bottom' in the middle of last year, I went to my GP and got a mental health assessment (which means I can claim the bulk of my psychologists' fee on Medicare), and got a referral to a psychologist. Best thing I've ever done for myself, and probably for my relationships too - because if I need a 'sounding board' I talk to my psych.
Did y'all read this? I'm swearing off giving advice here because I really have no idea what people's lives are like, and still struggle to find my own way through it all, but that cartoon (and its predecessor) hits so many nails on the head, it's scary. No easy solutions, but it at least recognises the conflicts you can find yourself in once you try to reach out to get help - and the paradox that it's still actually the best thing to do. Hey, I'm advising again... sorry.
I agree. The Buddhists' Noble Truth #1, yo.
Thanks. Good solutions. Beats going into the backyard at midday and burning ants with a magnifying glass.
Guys, just a timely reminder that this is not a place to discuss specific suicide attempts. Call Lifeline 24 hours on 13 11 14, or visit http://www.beyondblue.org.au/.
Link to Lifeline
That's right save that talk for your facebook page.
Shouldn't that be phrased the other way around? Good advice anyway, even if it does come in the form of a horrid stock image facetube motivational.
...and what is that horrendous font? Accessible motivational sans for ms paint?
Sorry, as you were.
Psychologists vs Psychiatrists! Well, it's about more than just depression, but interesting, no?
Srsly guys. Read that Hyperbole And A Half. I relate so much.
yeah, that was pretty great