Splendour Sludge Report: Coldplay Shitter Than Kanye
News posted Thursday, August 4 2011 at 03:00 PM.
Related: Splendour.
More people lost their shit to Coldplay at last weekend’s Splendour In The Grass festival, than Kanye West. And we don’t mean that figuratively.
A fascinating report into the festival’s sewage system – one of the greenest in the world, apparently – by New Scientist found that following Coldplay’s Sunday evening performance, an estimated 600,000 litres of slurry (in other words: shit and piss) entered the sewage system in an hour-and-a-half, forcing system designer Benjamin Kele (no relation to Bloc Party singer Kele) to keep the plant (like the party) pumping until 6am. On the other hand, after Kanye’s set the night before, a mere 250,000 litres of sludge entered the system.
A few conclusions: Chris Martin’s voice is like some sort of aural laxative; more people watched Coldplay than Kanye; or perhaps, it was just the three days of booze, substance abuse and oily foods taking their toll?
According to New Scientist, an average of two million litres of waste were pumped into the system over two days. After a series of treatments it ends up in a 12-megalitre holding tank resembling a giant lake called "Bonnie Doon". While carbon filters are used to emit odours, the waft of shit was still quite prevalent on the main stage, as M+N reviewer Andrew McMillen so keenly observed in his Splendour day three report:
“Toward the end of their [Pulp's] 60 minutes, the smell of shit wafts across the bowl as two ‘poo crews’ on either side of stage simultaneously empty portaloos, causing [singer Jarvis] Cocker to sarcastically comment on their brilliant timing.”
(Photo by Justin Edwards)
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Sounds shit.
a deeply moving piece of reporting
getting to the guts of the days issues
Poo crew!
I passed the news earlier today.
high-fibre editorial
that's a relief
What a shitty situation to be in while watching Jarvis Cocker.
people who pun should get away from this site. Go on, scat!
I think I would shit out my mouth, South Park style, if I was forced to endure Coldplay live.
you already said that on twitter ;)
splendour out the arse
two chords, one cup.
Coldplay... it's better than prune juice!
what a fascinating loo read.
It was such a great call I had to say it twice.
it was your number 2 go at it
3.14/10
warmplay
Great lineup exseptic for Coldplay
''and it was all yelllllooowwww''
And brown.
More importantly than volume, what shit was in the sewage?
Now let it out
Shout to the night
And so it goes
I hear motion
Just count it out
Shout in your sleep
And say the word
I hear motion
I think I will bowel out of this thread
1/7 on the bristol stool scale
At least GG Allin gave back to the audience.
The Poo Fighters wants to upstage the headliners.
The lake is not called ''Bonnie Doon''. Fix this shit!
Should put in drop dunnies a la Meredith. Perhaps when they go back to hippiesville aka Byron.
This article literally bowelled me over.