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Splendour Sludge Report: Coldplay Shitter Than Kanye

News posted Thursday, August 4 2011 at 03:00 PM.
Related: Splendour.

Splendour Sludge Report: Coldplay Shitter Than Kanye

More people lost their shit to Coldplay at last weekend’s Splendour In The Grass festival, than Kanye West. And we don’t mean that figuratively.

A fascinating report into the festival’s sewage system – one of the greenest in the world, apparently – by New Scientist found that following Coldplay’s Sunday evening performance, an estimated 600,000 litres of slurry (in other words: shit and piss) entered the sewage system in an hour-and-a-half, forcing system designer Benjamin Kele (no relation to Bloc Party singer Kele) to keep the plant (like the party) pumping until 6am. On the other hand, after Kanye’s set the night before, a mere 250,000 litres of sludge entered the system.

A few conclusions: Chris Martin’s voice is like some sort of aural laxative; more people watched Coldplay than Kanye; or perhaps, it was just the three days of booze, substance abuse and oily foods taking their toll?

According to New Scientist, an average of two million litres of waste were pumped into the system over two days. After a series of treatments it ends up in a 12-megalitre holding tank resembling a giant lake called "Bonnie Doon". While carbon filters are used to emit odours, the waft of shit was still quite prevalent on the main stage, as M+N reviewer Andrew McMillen so keenly observed in his Splendour day three report:

“Toward the end of their [Pulp's] 60 minutes, the smell of shit wafts across the bowl as two ‘poo crews’ on either side of stage simultaneously empty portaloos, causing [singer Jarvis] Cocker to sarcastically comment on their brilliant timing.”

(Photo by Justin Edwards)


GALLERIES: Splendour In The Grass day one, day two, day three.

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Your Comments

mrmagoo  said about 3 years ago:

M+N plumbing new depths


yoghurt  said about 3 years ago:

Sounds shit.


__v  said about 3 years ago:

a deeply moving piece of reporting


anonymous  said about 3 years ago:

getting to the guts of the days issues


tugboat  said about 3 years ago:

Poo crew!


bignothing  said about 3 years ago:

yoghurt  said about 3 years ago:

high-fibre editorial


electricsound  said about 3 years ago:

that's a relief


novelist  said about 3 years ago:

What a shitty situation to be in while watching Jarvis Cocker.


Goal attack  said about 3 years ago:

people who pun should get away from this site. Go on, scat!


illywhacker  said about 3 years ago:

I think I would shit out my mouth, South Park style, if I was forced to endure Coldplay live.


Mess+Noise  said about 3 years ago:

you already said that on twitter ;)


slothman  said about 3 years ago:

splendour out the arse


anonymous  said about 3 years ago:

two chords, one cup.


Lozenge  said about 3 years ago:

Coldplay... it's better than prune juice!


musojourno  said about 3 years ago:

what a fascinating loo read.


illywhacker  said about 3 years ago:

you already said that on twitter ;)

It was such a great call I had to say it twice.


slothman  said about 3 years ago:

it was your number 2 go at it


noneabove  said about 3 years ago:

3.14/10


Jacky_Chiles  said about 3 years ago:

warmplay


Goal attack  said about 3 years ago:

Great lineup exseptic for Coldplay


yoghurt  said about 3 years ago:

''and it was all yelllllooowwww''

And brown.



__v  said about 3 years ago:

Now let it out
Shout to the night
And so it goes
I hear motion
Just count it out
Shout in your sleep
And say the word
I hear motion


looch  said about 3 years ago:

I think I will bowel out of this thread


yoghurt  said about 3 years ago:

1/7 on the bristol stool scale


denialdemonicdisrup  said about 3 years ago:

At least GG Allin gave back to the audience.


mrdimagiba  said about 3 years ago:

The Poo Fighters wants to upstage the headliners.


HeilKitty  said about 3 years ago:

The lake is not called ''Bonnie Doon''. Fix this shit!


temporarybenbutler  said about 3 years ago:

Should put in drop dunnies a la Meredith. Perhaps when they go back to hippiesville aka Byron.


dazmurray  said about 3 years ago:

This article literally bowelled me over.


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