Useless Children: Light Speed Champions

Ahead of shows in support of new album ‘Sky is Falling’, Melbourne punk trio Useless Children share some DIY war stories with TIM SCOTT.

The first thing that strikes you when you encounter Useless Children – either live or on their new record Sky is Falling – is Cinta Masters’ voice. The diminutive drummer lets rip. Actually, not so much a rip but a tsunami of speed and spit.

Lurching forward on her stool, she belts out songs in such a frantic fashion that it’s hard to believe she won’t topple over in a sweaty exhausted mess at any moment. Indeed, there’s very little space in Useless Children’s sound. Everything about the Melbourne three-piece moves at light speed – from bassist Steve Patrick’s finger work to the thrashing hair of guitarist Rob Bonnet and, of course, Masters’ high-pitched scream. It was enough to prompt a backhanded jibe from John Sharkey, singer of notorious American punk band Clockcleaner and a one-time Melbourne resident, who reviewed their debut EP. “I guess you could call it positive,” recalls Masters. “He described us as a high school band with a mean little sister as a vocalist.”

As we tuck into a giant-sized bowl of nachos at Melbourne’s East Brunswick Club, Patrick remembers another review that commented on the aggression of Masters’ vocals. “It was something along the lines of, ‘Don’t know what she’s saying, but she sounds angry.’” Even Masters’ family have weighed in. “I played it to them and they thought it was fucking horrible,” she jokes. “They were like, ‘You have such a pretty voice, but I can’t understand the words.’”

Useless Children by their own admission are not a lyrically driven band, preferring to project emotion through their dynamic playing style than verbose words and phrases. “I think words are a bit overrated to tell you the truth,” says Masters. “I’m more into melodies.” Bonnet agrees. “You can have a very strong appreciation of the lyrics, but I react more to the delivery. I mean Dylan wrote some great songs and lines but the trouble is that he has too many lyrics. He sometimes writes way too many verses for a song.”

“There are lots of things about DIY gigs not to like I guess. The promotion. The stress of not knowing if anyone is going to turn up. The waiting around to play then waiting around to get paid.”

Even the recording process for The Sky is Falling was done posthaste with producer Mikey Young (Eddy Current Suppression Ring) only having 45 minutes to record Masters’ vocals. “I was really happy with the recording but I was worried about the vocals at the time,” she says. “We were all packing up and had to be out of the room. We were literally packing up the amps.”

Despite the hasty nature of the recording, Masters says she’s happy with the finished product. “I don’t like things to be perfect. It comes out really raw and that’s exactly what I wanted. My favourite song is the closing track, ‘Wither’, especially the last 20 seconds of the record because both Steve and I are doing different vocals and there’s just so much going on.”

Useless Children are not your typical hardcore punk band. Sure there’s the breakneck speeds and shouty vocals, but underneath the commotion - especially on their debut LP – there’s a focus on rock dynamics that goes beyond the “one, two, three, blast off” of their hardcore peers. This could be attributed to Patrick who, by his own admission, grew up listening to alternative rock. He’s been an avid Magic Dirt fan since the first time he saw them play on the back of truck at the 1996 Croydon Festival. “It was around the time of the Friends in Danger record and Dave Thomas was still in the band,” he recalls. “It was one of the first times I had seen a live band and I had just started playing guitar. I remember leaving and thinking, ‘Shit I gotta get a wah-wah pedal.’”

Masters also remembers her first Magic Dirt show – but for different reasons. “The first time I got drunk was at a Magic Dirt show,” she explains to a chorus of “really!” from her bandmates. “Yeah, they came down to Morwell [in rural Victoria] for a Push event. I got plastered. Can’t remember too much of the gig except that they had like an open mic where people could express themselves. I just sang really drunk.”

Bonnet, who also played in the now defunct thrash band Cut Sick, came to the Magic Dirt party late. “I was too punk for Magic Dirt,” he laughs. “It took Cinta to play them to me for about three years before I warmed up to a couple of songs.” Still, a recent vinyl purchase of Young and Full of the Devil for Patrick makes up for lost time. “It usually goes for around $150 but I got it for $30. I got it so he [Patrick] can pay for band rehearsal one day,” Bonnet jokes.

Despite their alterna-rock roots, Useless Children are very much a punk rock act in the way they handle the business end of things. But promoting and booking DIY shows in places such as anarchist book stores are not without their headaches. “There are lots of things about DIY gigs not to like I guess,” laughs Masters. “The promotion. The stress of not knowing if anyone is going to turn up. The waiting around to play then waiting around to get paid. The people who think that because it’s DIY they can get in for free.”

“At Barricade Books [in Northcote] it took about an hour-and-a-half to sort out the money after the show had finished,” adds Rob. “During the last band the people usually get the money together and separate it, but it seemed to have go through committee through committee to make sure they were giving out the money right. They are awesome people. Their decision making just takes a while.”.

Their recent Sydney show at warehouse space Dirty Shirlows with Royal Headache and Dead Farmers was equally frustrating. “Yeah that was a night of up and downs,” explains Patrick. “People saying they’re too poor to buy a ticket, but they have a $20 six-pack of beer and tailor cigarettes … I remember just losing my shit and screaming, ‘Look. All of you just fuck off!’”

Door pests aside there are plenty of people in the music scene that the band admire and respect - Mel and Kody from their label Exo, for example. Bonnet say that he respects anyone that supports local music, but what sets Exo apart is their complete faith in their artists. “Kody and Mel basically told us, ‘We are putting out your record go for broke.’”

And “go for broke” they did. Sky Is Falling was released on coloured vinyl with 3D artwork and glasses and a download voucher. “That kind of stuff is invaluable,” adds Patrick. “A lot of CDs you get nowadays are practically worthless because you get no liner notes, you get no artwork and you just end up with a CD that you can download off the internet in five minutes. Why would you buy that?”

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Useless Children will launch their new record Sky Is Falling at Sydney’s Sandringham Hotel on October 17 and at Melbourne’s Northcote Social Club on October 30.