NZ Diary: Clowns

Melbourne punk quartet Clowns ventured to New Zealand for Camp A Low Hum in February. The highlight of the surrounding tour was a shop gig in a town of 400, writes guitarist JOE HANSEN.

[Historical image is withheld pending rights review.] Finding ourselves invited to play at the final Camp A Low Hum festival near Wellington, we hastily booked dates around it and let the inevitable chaos of a Clowns tour unfold. After scamming check-in attendants into giving us free excess baggage and filling out dubious customs declarations, we boarded our flight to Auckland.

Arriving at our venue on K Road in the early afternoon, we decided to drop our gear off and go and get some food from a local pizzeria. Living up to our tendency to be inevitable freak magnets, a local vagrant found himself compelled to begin interrogating us about our origins and purpose for being in the country. After I denied him a slice of my pizza, the conversation shifted to death threats and the promise of total annihilation by what can only be assumed to be his army of destitute, pizza-fuelled minions. Eventually the gentleman seemingly forgot why he was there and was on his way.

It was an hour into the tour and we already had a threat on our lives, yet it wouldn’t be a Clowns tour without the freaks being dragged into our chaotic vacuum. At least the pizza was pretty good.

Camp A Low Hum – surrounded by forests in the town of Wainui, just outside of Wellington – was an experience that all of us, not only as a band but as individual attendees, will not soon forget. Arriving on the second day of festivities, we brought Murphy’s Law with us as a torrential downpour continuing over the next three days and nights. As budding young Bear Grylls zealots, Herny and I had come well prepared for the great outdoors with our purchases of $15 non-waterproof tents. Coupled with my purchase of a Bananas in Pyjamas sleeping bag that went up to the middle of my torso, I was more than prepared for the wild weather.

[Historical image is withheld pending rights review.]

Somehow, during the night, the tent’s security was compromised and I woke up soaked in a puddle of water and cans of Double Brown (New Zealand’s finest beverage). Despite the unpredicted condensation, the festival itself battled on, with countless timetable reshufflings and moving of stages indoors to ensure all acts were able to perform. Much respect to Blink for not only organising a great festival, but battling through every festival organiser’s nightmare.

Uniquely, Camp A Low Hum ran on the idea that no lineup would be announced beforehand, ensuring a dickhead-free crowd of music lovers and good vibes. New friends and fans were made by all. Musically, the festival was as eclectic as they come. Rappers, metallers, ravers, bluesmen and everyone in between came together to enjoy the good times. Playing with countless punk bands can become draining and monotonous, especially on tour, and it’s always a welcome relief to be playing amongst such a mixed bag of acts. It is a shame that there will not be another Camp A Low Hum to enjoy.

When Clowns book tours, no place is out of the question, and uncharted territory is more appealing than anything else for us. In our planning stages, Herny somehow found a lead on a live venue in the town of Hunterville, population 400. Upon closer inspection, the venue was a bric-a-brac/record/coffee shop that also held all-ages afternoon performances. Perfect. We rolled into Hunterville in the early afternoon and absorbed rural New Zealand life. Herny and I decided to check out the local antique store to peruse VHS copies of Sister Act II and Hayne’s Manuals to cars we didn’t own; standard fare for a small town in Australia or New Zealand.

[Historical image is withheld pending rights review.]

Unlike most small drive-through towns, Hunterville has the aforementioned venue/coffee/record store called Lucky. Run by the most hospitable and overall completely rad Georgie, the shop is a testament to the dedication and adventurism of independent business owners supporting live music and their community around the world. Given a house to sleep in that night and as many coffees as we could drink, we could not have felt more welcome.

Australia’s draconian laws on fireworks and air rifles were not in effect in New Zealand, and we made sure to raid all of our host’s fireworks supplies and light up the rural night sky. I believe there’s a natural human desire to harness fire and explosives, and these desires were fulfilled with a fireworks show rivalling that of any New Year’s Eve celebration or meth-lab explosion.

The show was rad. We thrive as a band playing on floors with crappy PAs in the middle of nowhere, and this show delivered that in spades. Around 40 people came out, roughly 10% of the town’s population. If we replicated those stats in Melbourne we’d have around 400,000 people at our shows. Just sayin’. In the immortal words of Wesley Willis: “The show was great. The concert was a smash hit.”

Liked: Cheap beer, new friends, rad bands

Disliked: Rain, unpronounceable town names, our accents being made fun of

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Clowns’ debut album ‘I’m Not Right’ came out last year through Poison City. Read Doug Wallen’s interview with them. They’re doing a joint tour soon with Mesa Cosa; dates below. More info here.

Fri, April 18 – Old Bar, Melbourne, VIC
Sat, April 19 – The Royal Oak, Launceston, TAS
Sun, April 20 – Brisbane Hotel, Hobart, TAS
Fri, April 25 – Barwon Club, Geelong, VIC [w/Cosmic Psychos]
Sat, April 26 – Grace Emily, Adelaide, SA
Thurs, May 1 – The Phoenix, Canberra, ACT
Sat, May 3 – Brighton Up Bar, Sydney, NSW
Sun, May 4 – The Fishbowl (house show), Newcastle, NSW
Fri, May 9 – Karova Lounge, Ballarat, VIC